I Am Living Proof

From The Advertiser’s article, “Porn-again pastor tells of his addiction and shame“:

“For over 16 years, I have struggled with an addiction to adult pornography. As a result of this secret life of sin my body would often break down,” his confession began.

“Two years ago, I reported that I was suffering from cancer. The truth is that although I was ill, I did not have cancer but was again using the misdiagnosis to hide the lie that I was living.”

Let us not be cynical for about a minute here and think just for a moment that Mike is telling the truth.  If the song, Healer, was actually written as a song to God in the pure belief that God would heal Mike of his addiction to porn, I am thinking that the truth was far more inspirational then the lie was told to coverup the truth.

Of course, that would be my personal opinion.

Though my song be taken from me,
yet will I sing,
yet will I praise You.

Though the joy be taken from me,
yet will I laugh,
yet will I shout unto You.

Though the light be hidden from me,
yet will I walk,
yet will I run after You.

Though my heartbeat be slain within me,
yet will I trust,
yet will I follow You.

Words and music by Audra Lynn
from the song, “Yet Will I Sing”

What if God was taking the American and Austrilian churches through a “wilderness”.  What does that mean exactly?  Man, I wish I knew.  Just know that the wilderness is different for me and you.  For some, it is this supposed place of “refuge” that is away from God where people sought out their own will.  Others, it is placing things, thoughts and ideas between them and God and putting all of their might and trust into these things, thoughts and ideas rather than God.  For some, they don’t want answers from God.  For whatever reasons, they just don’t to be there with Him.

Hosea 2:14 (NKJV) “Therefore, behold, I will allure her, Will bring her into the wilderness, And speak comfort to her.

This passage has always been my absolute favorite because it is such a beautiful promise of God that gives me joy despite the fact that it is not an easy verse to preach and teach on.  What it speaks to me is that God loves us so much and He is such a good Father that He will discipline us if we are turning away from Him.  When we go off doing our own thing, He is not the type of father that sits idly by.  He will run us out into our “wilderness”.   But those words “And speak comfort to her” says that He is always with us.  He is not so far away where He has to yell at us, scream at us to talk to and comfort us.  No, the scripture doesn’t say, “He sends an email of comfort.”  He is Jehovah-Shammah.  He is The Lord That Is There. He is the Lord that is there with you.

Off and on all day today, I keep thinking about the whole Michael Guglielmucci, Healer song thing.

The one thing that keeps going through my head is this: when I sing “Healer”, I don’t think of Michael, Planetshakers, Hillsong, Australia, my church, the crowd or even the worship team onstage.

Seriously, I think about heaven, angels, throneroom, elders, saints and the majesty of the Lamb who was slained.  Seriously, I try to take the scene from Isaiah 6 and combine that with Revelation and Daniel 7 and I hope to have some sort of image of the throneroom of God.  I imagine I see Christ Jesus, sitting at the right hand of the Father.  (Truth be known, the Father is so big that I really just see His foot.  I know He seems so big and yet He doesn’t feel big.)

I imagine walking towards Him, singing praises to Him.  I imagine removing parts of my armour, dropping my shield and my sword.  When I almost removed all the pieces of my armour, I see the same white pure clean robe that God gave me when I first submitted myself to Him.  My heart fills with joy as my eyes fills with tears.

I continue to sing.  I feel that my voice is not as beautiful as those around me but I will keep singing and sing louder.  I sing to Him because He was the one who rescued me from the pit of despair and death.

Through tears in my eyes, I look upon the glory of God and His righteousness.  I raised my hands and dance around until I fall to my knees.

I continue to sing.

Then the music stops.

Man, it would kill them to do more than a four song set.

Oh well.  I will find another way to worship our God.

I would still sing “Healer”.  Too bad churches will be pulling this from their playlists.

I read the articles on Todd Bentley (article) and Michael Guglielmucci (article) and I keep thinking about three promises in the Bible.

My first instincts were “Ugh!”, “What the crap!”, “Why should I be surprised!” and insert whatever thoughts I can think to make me all high and mighty and better than those guys.

But the Holy Spirit quickly pulled that flaming arrow of pride out.  Yea, I have fallen harder and more often than those guys put together.  I suck and I am absolutely nothing with my Father.

But in all of that, God reminded me of His promises and His covenant.  I was chatting with my friend this morning and asked her, “What should we pray for now?”.  She said, “Protection for the hearts of the sheep and dependence upon the Lord’s leadership alone.”

I couldn’t have said it better myself.

First and foremost, God always takes care of His sheep.  He is truly the Good Shepherd.  He is our Father, Shield, Rescuer and Portion:

Jeremiah 23:1-4 (NKJV) “Woe to the shepherds who destroy and scatter the sheep of My pasture!” says the Lord. Therefore thus says the Lord God of Israel against the shepherds who feed My people: “You have scattered My flock, driven them away, and not attended to them. Behold, I will attend to you for the evil of your doings,” says the Lord. “But I will gather the remnant of My flock out of all countries where I have driven them, and bring them back to their folds; and they shall be fruitful and increase. I will set up shepherds over them who will feed them; and they shall fear no more, nor be dismayed, nor shall they be lacking,” says the Lord.

I know that most or at least some have been hurt by spiritual leaders in the past.  It is sometimes hard to read this passage and think, “Why isn’t God doing something right freakin’ now?!”.   Remember, God does His will in His perfect timing.  Remember that all leaders (kings, presidents, etc.) are appointed by Him alone.

God is completely Sovereign in all of this.  We trust in Him.  At the same time, He will take care of you.  He will heal your heart.  He will make you whole.